Uhmm... wow it's great to have your hallucinations realized

You know, it's odd thinkning no one could ever understand what you were seeing and believing and feeling and thinking. I've been stuck in this horrible place for a long time.
Oh wow that's great... I just figured out what's been holding me back.
Thank you subconcious brain!
Right, so I don't know if you could call it a depression... but just for the sake of it, let's call it that. Essentially.... I've been feeling really pathetic and depressed lately. For the longest time I have been able to figure out why. But it's been painful and not being able to figure out what the fuck was wrong with me, was possibly even worse than all of it put together.
I don't know if I experienced so much pain in my life... well probably back when the inital depression settled in.
ANYWAY now that that's out of the way... right now, typing I just figured out what the fuck is wrong with me, well one of the many aspects that is wrong but this is the one that's been eating up all my time...
So, get this... I think I'm crazy. I don't really mind it. But it's really the most frustrating thing in the world to see something and have no one else see it as well. It's scary because you can't figure out where the hell these visions are coming from. It's also really really really annoying to point something out and only be embarassed about it because it wasn't actually there and then people look at you funny. It's also very truly really pathetic to be caught staring at something because there just so happens to be a shadow hole in the wall or a warp inbetween a couple of tree branches or a bodach (shadow creature) crossing the street, then your trip is interrupted by someone waving a hand in your face and yelling "Woohoo! Earth to Vanessa!" Can't I fucking hallucinate in peace? wow....
So this has been my problem, not being able to get any sort of recognition that I'm not alone because that's what I've been feeling lately. No one can ever share my experiences in any of this, no one can understand. You talk to loved ones to share your feelings... but the only feelings I've been experienced are associated with a nameless shadow creature. Yeah, I still have imaginary friends and fuck you if you want to make something of it.
Essentially because I see and hear and feel and however many senses we have you can throw those in there too and no one else does and will probably never be able to. I feel completely, hopelessly alone and that gives me the frustrated 'stuck' sensation.
Whatever. I don't care. What I do care is that I'm glad I figured it out. And what I also care about is that the lovely artist at deviantart known as ZombieLovelie ( http://zombielovelie.deviantart.com/ her gallery) represented some of the hallucinations/dreams/visions I get of Nameless and other shadow things in the picture posted above. And my love continues to deepen because in the submission of this piece she included a video which is darn close to what I've been talking about as a 'junkie reaction'... remember? Shadow in the veins? Itching squirming sensation? Well if you don't read some posts below or just whatever... heh heh. So the vid's down thar below. Unfortunately whatever I experience isn't nearly as lovely, no beautiful butterfly patterns for me. And it's not that big and extravagant, typically just along a vein in the arm, occasionally neck, hands and very rarely legs.