SKIP TO LIKE 7:47 IF YOU STRICTLY WANT TO READ THE PART OF EXTREME REVELATIONS!!!!
chibiseishiraon7 (7:01:12 PM): u are profound after all.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:01:23 PM): impressive use of the work annotation
chibiseishiraon7 (7:01:28 PM): word*
electronicaxoxox (7:01:40 PM): awwwn thanks.
electronicaxoxox (7:02:00 PM): It's just feels strange when people tell me stuff like that... I'unno...
electronicaxoxox (7:02:01 PM): lol
chibiseishiraon7 (7:02:10 PM): oh really.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:02:21 PM): im sorry. but we all now im a strange creature.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:02:23 PM): know*
electronicaxoxox (7:03:07 PM): lol no need to apologize. It's just that I'm like... mehbeh I should listen to myself more often, if I'm actually profound and poetic. >.<
chibiseishiraon7 (7:04:10 PM): lol. ok. nessa. but if dont listen to yourself, i will. and catch wat i can.
electronicaxoxox (7:04:53 PM): lol I suppose I listen to my thoughts but I don't actually know what like thinking is.
electronicaxoxox (7:05:01 PM): I've been thinking a lot about how I think... xD
chibiseishiraon7 (7:05:12 PM): wow.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:05:14 PM): deep.
electronicaxoxox (7:05:12 PM): except not really because I don't know what it is or how to begin to describe it.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:05:52 PM): your are trying to describe in words what it means to use and manipulate one's cognition.
electronicaxoxox (7:06:44 PM): Well in particular mine. since other people I've asked seem to be able to recognize how they think.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:07:42 PM): like how the go about thinking?
chibiseishiraon7 (7:08:00 PM): u mean the process or like in wat context they think?
electronicaxoxox (7:08:47 PM): like.... when you think of something what happens? Do you see something? Do you hear something?
electronicaxoxox (7:09:08 PM): Cause like hillary says she can think in colors.
electronicaxoxox (7:09:20 PM): And greg said he thinks in an outline form and sees words.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:09:32 PM): whose greg?
electronicaxoxox (7:09:35 PM): and well yeah it goes on. I wonder if it's unique for everyone...
electronicaxoxox (7:09:37 PM): a friend.
electronicaxoxox (7:09:43 PM): he doesn't go to our school.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:09:49 PM): oh it might be.
electronicaxoxox (7:09:54 PM): how do you think if I may ask?
chibiseishiraon7 (7:10:08 PM): its something i read in psychology.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:10:25 PM): its like how like asian people tend to be smarter its how they think,
chibiseishiraon7 (7:10:44 PM): i just read a paper about how they see relationships rather than individuals.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:10:50 PM): furthermore, in like AP psychology
chibiseishiraon7 (7:11:24 PM): it was talking about how our thoughts and mind or a combination of how senses and how we perceieve them, so maybe thats why people think differently.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:11:49 PM): they are able to recognize the same thing but sometimes unconsciously their mind acquires a
chibiseishiraon7 (7:12:05 PM): unique method of association.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:12:13 PM): but its probably a whole lot more than that.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:12:22 PM): i can look it up in my AP psych book if u want.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:12:40 PM): but also its gonna get into philosophy again. because this
chibiseishiraon7 (7:12:53 PM): (psychology) is a scientifc view.
electronicaxoxox (7:13:36 PM): mhmmm... well I was just wondering how you thought.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:13:53 PM): oh like me?
electronicaxoxox (7:13:59 PM): yep yep! ^^
chibiseishiraon7 (7:14:02 PM): or like in general?
chibiseishiraon7 (7:14:04 PM): oh ok.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:14:34 PM): nessa. i dont really know. ^^;; like my thoughts are so complicated and stuff that i feel like think a a variety of different ways.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:15:13 PM): damned connection.
electronicaxoxox (7:15:14 PM): damn. xD I was hoping how you thought would give me some insight of how I thought
chibiseishiraon7 (7:15:29 PM): oh because we are twin souls ne?
chibiseishiraon7 (7:15:47 PM): lol.
electronicaxoxox (7:16:43 PM): mhmm
electronicaxoxox (7:16:45 PM): ^.^
chibiseishiraon7 (7:17:10 PM): aww im hella flattered that u think im convuluted mind could help lol.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:17:36 PM): i will try this weekend to search and think,
chibiseishiraon7 (7:18:12 PM): next week im starting a journal i wanna get back into poetry, try writing short stories and just my thoughts maybe lol...im not sure.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:18:16 PM): this plan will probably die.
electronicaxoxox (7:18:20 PM): xDDDD awwn
chibiseishiraon7 (7:18:26 PM): lol.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:18:48 PM): ok brb. kio s'kete (take care)
electronicaxoxox (7:19:53 PM): m'kay
chibiseishiraon7 (7:32:45 PM): ok
chibiseishiraon7 (7:32:47 PM): im back
electronicaxoxox (7:33:03 PM): woohooo party time1
electronicaxoxox (7:33:06 PM): dammit... *!
chibiseishiraon7 (7:33:18 PM): lol..ok nessa
electronicaxoxox (7:34:50 PM): I've decided.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:35:17 PM): ooooo
electronicaxoxox (7:35:32 PM): I think anyone who allows experiences to define them is a weak, enslaved, and idiotic person.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:35:52 PM): oh man. wat brought on this decision?
electronicaxoxox (7:35:58 PM): Too many people saying:
electronicaxoxox (7:36:07 PM): Well I act this way because of my experiences...
electronicaxoxox (7:36:17 PM): Or: he has issues because this happened to him.
electronicaxoxox (7:36:33 PM): I'm not saying learning by trial and error is wrong.
electronicaxoxox (7:36:52 PM): I'm not saying either that because of a bad experience you shouldn't avoid it.
electronicaxoxox (7:37:02 PM): But allowing it to shift your personality. That's fucking moronic.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:37:54 PM): how about looking @ your experience critically and seeing how it has allowed you to consider changing yourself?
electronicaxoxox (7:39:31 PM): I don't think it's possible.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:39:43 PM): could you elaborate?
electronicaxoxox (7:40:12 PM): Like... It's possible to change your actions to improve or to mold yourself right?
chibiseishiraon7 (7:40:26 PM): correct.
electronicaxoxox (7:40:37 PM): But that doesn't mean you're going to change as a person.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:41:15 PM): but then who are u improving or molding then? aren't those changes? or am i not getting it..^^;;
chibiseishiraon7 (7:42:19 PM): connection broke. continue.
electronicaxoxox (7:42:28 PM): dear lord. xD
chibiseishiraon7 (7:42:50 PM): yeah..^^;;;;
electronicaxoxox (7:42:54 PM): I guess I'm not making much sense.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:44:03 PM): no. its just.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:44:11 PM): im always confused.
electronicaxoxox (7:44:35 PM): rephrase: I don't think people should allow their experiences to define them, rather they should learn from and consider them?
chibiseishiraon7 (7:45:17 PM): right and by considering them what will happen? wat is the viewable product of such learning?
electronicaxoxox (7:45:53 PM): Like just because I get denied by a group of people doesn't mean I should become an antisocial person if it isn't my nature.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:46:37 PM): oh nessa i agree with you on that. but im trying to discover if what u are saying is what i am thinking. or trying to think.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:47:13 PM): ok so if people learn from their experiences what happens with that knowledge?
electronicaxoxox (7:47:41 PM): they save it for next time they're faced with a similar situation?
chibiseishiraon7 (7:47:57 PM): well then hasn't soemthing changed?
electronicaxoxox (7:49:03 PM): Yes and no. They've changed. But not on the level I'm referring to. I'm referring to like soul and personality.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:49:15 PM): oh yeah nessa.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:49:19 PM): i completely agree.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:49:36 PM): i thought u meant like minor change couldn't happen
chibiseishiraon7 (7:49:51 PM): and i was like yeah it definitely can.
electronicaxoxox (7:50:03 PM): xD well yeah I agree with you there too.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:50:51 PM): so would be saying that people who "change" like completely transform themselves, aren't really changing at all, but maybe uncovering they actually were as a person?
electronicaxoxox (7:53:19 PM): I don't know... it's difficult to tell which one is the real one. Only the could know because they're the ones who were conscience of it. But I can usually tell when someone is acting out of character.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:53:59 PM): emotional intelligence.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:54:08 PM): go nessa!
chibiseishiraon7 (7:54:49 PM): i think it is safe to assume that you have an above average level of emoitonal intelligence (yes this is considered a form of intelligence in psychology).
chibiseishiraon7 (7:55:28 PM): ok this kind of an awkward question...but do u see such a problem with me?
electronicaxoxox (7:56:18 PM): xDDDD thanks? lol teehee
chibiseishiraon7 (7:56:28 PM): yup.
electronicaxoxox (7:56:28 PM): The changing personality thing? or out of character thing?
chibiseishiraon7 (7:56:34 PM): both.
electronicaxoxox (7:57:50 PM): Mmm I sense a bit of both from you....
chibiseishiraon7 (7:58:23 PM): oh..well..how?
electronicaxoxox (7:58:36 PM): Like you seem to be an extremely honest person... but sometimes in some moments you seem to be very uncomfortable with yourself.
electronicaxoxox (7:58:56 PM): Like unsure with what you did or felt or thought...
chibiseishiraon7 (7:59:09 PM): yeah.
chibiseishiraon7 (7:59:31 PM): im not really too surprised u know that. i was kinda hoping that u'd know without me having to say it.
electronicaxoxox (7:59:48 PM): So I passed the test? xDDDD j/k
chibiseishiraon7 (8:00:04 PM): no. lol it wasn't a test.
electronicaxoxox (8:00:40 PM): teehee... anyway yeah. I wish I could like hold an emotional intelligence mirror to myself.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:00:55 PM): nessa.
electronicaxoxox (8:00:57 PM): Well soul twin what do you think of me in this sense? Mehbeh you can see it?
chibiseishiraon7 (8:01:15 PM): nessa i dont trust myself to analyze you.
electronicaxoxox (8:01:42 PM): Am I just that out there? lol
chibiseishiraon7 (8:01:49 PM): no.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:02:06 PM): what if i said i dont feel well...worthy or intelligent enough...V_V.
electronicaxoxox (8:02:46 PM): I'd say you're being ridiculous cause... who the hell can tell you how 'worthy' you are. and both you and me know how intelligent you are so bringing that up is silly of you!
chibiseishiraon7 (8:03:11 PM): yeah but still nessa. lol.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:03:24 PM): ok. well im gonna try and give it some thought.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:03:53 PM): i know this sounds kind of general, but i've always kinda thought that...
chibiseishiraon7 (8:03:58 PM): iono how to explain it.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:04:07 PM): ok sometimes im really worried about you.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:04:14 PM): like really.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:04:34 PM): for some reason, i feel like your really hurting somewhere, even though im probably wrong.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:06:19 PM): it makes me feel really guilty tho, like sometimes i think i can sense a slight defensiveness or something, or like iono. maybe or "bruise" somewhere y'know? with you i dont think its more of uncomfortability than it is, like a default protectivness. im not making sense.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:06:33 PM): but hmm...
electronicaxoxox (8:06:45 PM): I knew you could do it. ^.^
chibiseishiraon7 (8:07:00 PM): nessa. no me digas.
electronicaxoxox (8:07:10 PM): no... that was /exactly/ correct.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:07:25 PM): seriously oh nessa. im so happy i could cry.
electronicaxoxox (8:07:43 PM): Lol honestly, it gave me a little chill... actually no. A big one.
electronicaxoxox (8:08:00 PM): That's why you really make me happy. Cause no one has gotten it... or maybe they have and they just refuse to.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:08:17 PM): nessa. you make me happy too.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:09:54 PM): honestly, i don't know about you. but i noticed it once during first semester of soph year, and then like 2 months before i told my little secret, like i saw it, and i kinda thought i was there, i see as so mature and powerful nessa, i mean i care about u so much that i no matter how much u like invited me and included me, i was felt guilty.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:10:24 PM): because, like in my like iono. heart, i felt u were suffering. and iono what i sense makes me kinda emotional. and
chibiseishiraon7 (8:10:48 PM): i guess sometimes i didn't want to think about it, because i wasn't sure how my mind would react to wat i thought i was picking up.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:11:39 PM): i never know if i'll be able to do anything. but i hope u can always have me for anything else.
electronicaxoxox (8:12:34 PM): I'm sorry, for making you feel this way...
chibiseishiraon7 (8:12:43 PM): NESSA>
chibiseishiraon7 (8:12:49 PM): DO NOT say that.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:12:53 PM): please, dont.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:13:27 PM): you already know i would worry about u no matter wat
chibiseishiraon7 (8:13:36 PM): whether u had something going on or not.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:14:21 PM): if anything, the amount of worry asserts how all the more important you are.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:14:42 PM): though, you'd still be important even if i didn't worry.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:14:59 PM): besides nessa, i dont mind worrying about.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:15:03 PM): you.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:16:32 PM): yeah...so DAIJOUBU. no worries.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:16:37 PM): i guess. ^^;
electronicaxoxox (8:16:42 PM): heh heh. 'cept not! xD
chibiseishiraon7 (8:16:50 PM): i know huh.
electronicaxoxox (8:17:10 PM): Yeah I don't know what it is. If I did... I'm sure I wouldn't mind telling you in a heartbeat.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:18:31 PM): oh nessa, i would never ask u to do such a thing.
electronicaxoxox (8:19:42 PM): lol well I don't know what it is... at all. But it's a hurt I've been feeling for the longest time. It flares up on certain occassions and I almost feel like dying on those days. I use philosophy to bandage it again.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:21:33 PM): does it seem like u feel lifeless?
electronicaxoxox (8:22:28 PM): -'thinking'-
chibiseishiraon7 (8:22:34 PM): ok.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:23:34 PM): i mean its like not necessarily lifeless but likee drained? like something more than you mind feels heavy and tiring?
electronicaxoxox (8:24:54 PM): I must have amnesia or something. I honestly don't remember.... or.... like. I don't know what I feel.
electronicaxoxox (8:25:03 PM): I guess you could say just: completely at a loss?
electronicaxoxox (8:25:47 PM): I just lose all function, all recognition, all controll, all of my thoughts/feelings, etc.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:25:55 PM): yeah.
electronicaxoxox (8:26:27 PM): I'm no longer rational, and I have no sense of reason. All I feel is like doom? Is that what you mean...? Doom?
chibiseishiraon7 (8:27:05 PM): i dont know if doom is the right word, its night like death doom...isn't it different?
chibiseishiraon7 (8:27:59 PM): not*
electronicaxoxox (8:28:10 PM): I don't know... I had wrote a lot in 7th grade when I got in that phase but I threw the notebook away.
electronicaxoxox (8:28:19 PM): I didn't want to fucking look at it anymore.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:28:31 PM): i did the same thing in seventh grade.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:28:35 PM): but.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:29:52 PM): i made the mistake of sharing it with my friend, who made the mistake of taking it home, who's mother found and made the mistake of calling my parents, who made the decision to refer me to a psychiatrist and get me sometreatment, who made the mistake of not urging my dad, who made the mistake of cancelling my sessions, by incorrectly assumming it was just a phase.
electronicaxoxox (8:30:35 PM): mmhmmm I remember you telling me all about this.
electronicaxoxox (8:30:53 PM): I always had that fear. I guess that's why you sense got that sense of defensiveness.
electronicaxoxox (8:31:36 PM): *you got that sense of defensiveness
chibiseishiraon7 (8:31:36 PM): maybe. i dont know. i guess i can identify with it. i mean i trusted her y'know? but some how i felt it was my fault
chibiseishiraon7 (8:32:03 PM): my stupidity, but i also think in my case it was inevitable, almost like it was destined.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:33:36 PM): but im crazy like that. my parents dont say it aloud anymore.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:33:52 PM): but i strongly feel they watch me like im a ticking, tempermental bomb.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:34:01 PM): in their minds.
electronicaxoxox (8:34:03 PM): hmmm that's interesting.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:34:40 PM): its like a fear for them? they really ssometimes think, like deep down its their fault, cuz like no matter like how good i do,
chibiseishiraon7 (8:35:05 PM): im kinda the broken child, the one whose like mind malfunctioned, cuz i wanted to take my own life.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:35:46 PM): but yeah nessa.
electronicaxoxox (8:36:17 PM): My mom knows I think too much for my own good but other than that... nothing.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:36:32 PM): oh man. i didn't think she knew.
electronicaxoxox (8:37:04 PM): heh heh... I like wanna tell you something but I'm too scared... xP
chibiseishiraon7 (8:37:21 PM): ok. whenever u want nessa.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:37:26 PM): u dont have to.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:38:18 PM): if it really doesn't feel right then don't. i never want to put you in the position, my friend put me in. 4 years ago.
electronicaxoxox (8:39:27 PM): Exactly. Like I feel it's time but at the time, I don't really see why I should.
electronicaxoxox (8:39:50 PM): I suppose it's cause it partially completes the 'mystery' (if that's what you wanna call it)....
chibiseishiraon7 (8:39:56 PM): yeah. i mean. its not my busines.
electronicaxoxox (8:40:43 PM): but I wouldn't want to put anyone in such a horrible position.... and I know they'd say something.
electronicaxoxox (8:40:55 PM): no matter how much they'd promise me they wouldn't tell.... meh
chibiseishiraon7 (8:41:59 PM): nessa...
chibiseishiraon7 (8:42:10 PM): im not going to promise that i wouldn't say anything.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:42:31 PM): but i know that i am incapable of doing something like that
chibiseishiraon7 (8:43:31 PM): someone did it to me, and its like i feel i messed up the family a little.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:44:44 PM): nessa u dont need to tell me.
electronicaxoxox (8:44:50 PM): I'll probably tell you eventually....
electronicaxoxox (8:45:00 PM): hopefully... I don't know.
electronicaxoxox (8:45:07 PM): Now I feel awful for leaving you in 'suspense'
chibiseishiraon7 (8:45:15 PM): no its not your fault.
chibiseishiraon7 (8:46:02 PM): i just wanna be there for you y'know? i will do anything i can with in reason to help, which in cludes not prying into business,
chibiseishiraon7 (8:46:18 PM): u dont leave me in suspense, i just worry i wont help enough
chibiseishiraon7 (8:46:57 PM): but maybe this is something i can't really do anything about, just be comfortable with iit, whether yes or no, as long as its you true decision i will not care @ all.
electronicaxoxox (8:48:26 PM): Thank you so much, Kevin. We'll see what happens. As long as you know there's something, I think that's enough for now. Besides, I warned you when I met you about all these philosophical train wrecks. I love you, but I've got to sleep now. I hate it, but after delving this deep, it's the only thing that will help me categorize all my thoughts.
electronicaxoxox (8:48:40 PM): Good night! I love love love love love you!!!
chibiseishiraon7 (8:48:44 PM): ok Love, night!
chibiseishiraon7 (8:48:51 PM): que dios te bendiga
electronicaxoxox (8:49:12 PM): heh heh! Talk to you later! Thank you so much! And remember I'm always here for you too! bai bai!
chibiseishiraon7 (8:49:21 PM): bai!
chibiseishiraon7 (8:49:25 PM): =)